Alive and Well.

Hello again. It has been a while! I have recently picked up writing again, especially in my recovery process, and I figured I’d start sharing here again too. Buckle up.

Yes… I am in recovery. Powerful words I never thought I would say. Only two months ago I was sitting at the beach with nothing but suicidal intentions and a body full of benzos and alcohol, and I chose death. In those moments, all I wanted was relief. I disconnected from everything and every one around me, and I succumbed. I woke up in the emergency room the next day with zero recollection of how I got there and this wasn’t the first time. How did it get this bad?

A lot has happened in the last 5 years… The short version? I took time off to start a family, I lost the closest person to me suddenly and without warning, I survived postpartum depression, and I am now recovering from alcohol and pills. While many of you know about my struggles with motherhood and COVID, no one really knows about my using and how bad it really was. For the past few years, I have been heavily addicted to Xanax, Klonopin, and alcohol. Unaware of their contraindications at the time, I was (barely) functioning under the influence every day since around the start of COVID until the beginning of December 2021. I hit my all-time low the day I lost my grandmother in October 2021; that was when I was so consumed with panic attacks that I attempted to take my own life. I tried again with more gusto in November, only to be re-hospitalized. I wasn’t able to see past that point in my life at the time between losing my grip on relentless motherhood and losing my grandma. Something had to change if my genuine attempts were not going to work, more importantly if my kids were to have a mother. I decided to go to a treatment facility for the month of December. It was a beautiful sanctuary in the San Rafael hills. I learned a lot there, but I still have a very long way to go and a huge stack of recovery books and workbooks to finish. It’s worth it — I am finally starting to feel the clarity I’ve been craving and its otherworldly.

Big things are in the works for the year of 2022! I mistakenly slated my comeback at the start of COVID and have been waiting with blue balls ever since. I am so eager for the day I can safely be on set again. No spoilers, but Jacky and I are cooking up something big. Until that glorious moment, I’ll be messaging on my OnlyFans like usual and posting some new scenes soon. I have been working out like crazy and I am feeling so good in my skin these days. Exciting times!



40 thoughts on “Alive and Well.

  1. Alan S says:

    Remy! I’m glad to read this from you, couldn’t find any other way to reach you and ask how you were doing, besides being your fan, I’ve always liked you as a platonic thing because I love the few personal things you have shared, how you think, how you speak.
    This is only a setback on your road to happiness, keep being strong, accept the issue is the first step to walk out of hell.

    much love sent.


  2. Phins78 says:

    Remy I’m so happy to read this post and see that you’re doing well. You’re such an amazing person with a great big heart and the world needs you. Stay strong and keep working toward your recovery and know there are a lot of us out here who care about you as a person, no strings attached, and only want the very best for you ❤

  3. Nolan Noir says:

    I hope nothing but the best for you. I know what it’s like to have a body full of pills and alcohol while waiting for the end to come. I’m glad someone found you and was able to take you to a hospital. Recovery is always difficult but worth it. I hope my words help in any sort of way to you.

  4. Dennis says:

    I hope the best for you moving forward. Much love to you and thank you for being here.

  5. Remon says:

    Glad to hear you are doing well and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You might have no idea how important you are to some people’s lives (including mine and I don’t mean jerking off to your vids) so this post means a lot!! You have to be so proud of yourself. Well done and take it easy.

    Only love


  6. Alex says:

    I am so glad that your doing better and that you survived you are an amazing person and i can’t wait to see you crush everything in life! You are a Warrior you Got this! Sending all my love respect and keeping you in my prayers. You deserve nothing but the best remy!

  7. Awesome news about your recovery. I have been sober 18 years, and while you have to work it every day, it does get better and more a part of your normal life. And you will be amazed at what you can do when the booze and drugs are gone from your life. My two brothers drank themselves to death, but for some reason I will never understand, I got the supports at the right moment to save myself. Also glad to hear about the comeback, I loved your work, especially the hula hoop stuff. I can only imagine how much hotter it will be when you are doing it sober and clear-eyed. Maybe I will see you on OF.

  8. charles hilburn says:

    i new you could do it you are a very strong woman i for one are so glad you are coming back stronger than ever keep it up girl you are so loved by so many people and you are loved by me that’s for sure

  9. Skip Danger says:

    Speechless really. No idea that it got that bad. Clearly “someone up there likes you” and maybe it’s Grandma.
    I lost someone just like you did. No warning, no time. I was really angry for a while. Like really angry.
    Then, I just decided to live my life for them too. Good or bad, interesting or flat boring, whatever happens, happens to us both.
    I’m sure you know all the reasons for you to live on, so I will leave you to prioritize those.
    But speaking as a fan/friend, you have given us hours of love and laughs. Great porn, no really probably best of all porn in my humble opinion. Beautiful woman. All world ass.
    But mixed in there has always been a very human side to you. Like a real honest to God person. Complex and fascinating.
    Your writing has always thrilled me. The way you put things is clear. No bullshit. And sometimes, really fucking funny.
    Travelling with you over the last 10 years has been all sorts of things. You leave the biz (that wasn’t a great day!). You re-start your education to become a life saver. No easy task for anyone. Gonna need a strong constitution. Big change.
    Along comes the man we all hated, your husband. Marriage is a mother fucker too. Gonna need to be flexible and strong with your heart. Big Change.
    The kids, most unselfish thing you’ll ever do is Motherhood. Some days the challenge seems insurmountable. Sometimes they are. Gotta be strong.
    Perhaps what was left out of all this living was….you.
    If I keep moving, it can’t catch me. Well, it does.
    You’ve once again taken the bull by the horns and you’re going to get back up and ride!!!! By the sounds of it professionally too!
    If you read your Twitter and OF comments, there are a lot of us who actually care for that human I spoke of earlier. A lot of us. Not just the pigs, but real folks like me.
    Please don’t deny us of you. Sweet lady.
    You have so much to give. You have so much to live for. Please do.

  10. Jake says:

    You are beautiful! There is always hope ❤️

  11. Mr A & Mrs M says:

    We are glad to here form you kiddo.
    Invitation still open

  12. Jorge says:

    Dear Remy.
    Recovering from an addiction, whatever it is, is always a very difficult challenge, especially when “black” thoughts appear, it is not easy and there will be times when you think if it is worth it, but do not let yourself be defeated, you have people who love you and cares about you, I want you to get that peace you need and achieve your goal, life is beautiful and you have reasons to live it.
    Although far away and without knowing each other, I send you a sincere hug of support.

  13. Cory Fisher says:

    Dear Remy,

    We don’t know each other but I stumbled onto your blog tonight and just read your post. Everything that you went through recently individually would knock someone down in life but when they happen in a close proximity, the compounding effects can be exponentially more challenging to overcome. Although our back stories in life are different, I’ve been through more than my fair share of PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety. I’ve done so many things in life that I am proud of, but I found myself so fatigued of life that my only thought was that I have the ability to do anything in life that I want to…I just don’t want to anymore. Suicide is a place I am so sorry you had to experience in life. That being said, I am very thankful that you are still here. I also want to remind you that you are not alone going through this. Isolation is a very dominant feeling when you fall down in life but it’s not permanent. You have people that love and care for you even if you can’t seem them right then and there. We forget what we can’t see when we are that low, but they are still there! I don’t want to ramble on and on so I will end with this. Thank you for sharing your story. The world is a better place with you still here so I wish you all the best in your healing and recovery. You deserve it!


  14. Calum says:

    I just stumbled across this post and it’s great to hear you are starting to love yourself again. Habits are hard to break but I’m sure your new habits will become stronger and outweigh the old ones. Keep your strong heart going for all us out here that feel the same way but aren’t yet strong enough to ask for help.

    With compassion and kindness, to you and your family, may you always be content and happy 😊

  15. Psyke says:

    You are beautiful, not because of your looks (although, you are that too) but because you had the strength to share these issues and seek help not just for yourself but also for your children. I’ve never seen your work as I just discovered you but now admire you greatly.

  16. B says:

    Had similar struggles with pills many years ago and still think of them daily. I wrote about it briefly in the post above. Take care of yourself.

  17. Timothy McKenzie says:

    Timothy McKenzie, Sweetie I’m so sorry you are going through this I hope for a speedy recovery but you take all the time you need your fans will be here when you decide to come back to work all I want for you is to be healthy and happy and please keep a good friends group around you to keep an eye out if you start slipping again I’m one of your biggest fans but if it were to never see you perform and see you healthy and happy then so be it your happiness is all that counts.With love Timothy

  18. NJDev35 says:

    I realize my opinion means nothing, but I’m glad you chose to stick around, do what’s right for your kids, and stay here with us, I don’t know you or even pretend to, however I can say with all confidence that the world is a much better place with you in it! Stay strong! We all all have dark times, we all get knocked down. It’s our ability to get back up is what defines us!

  19. joshbowen83 says:

    I believe many would agree with me that ending your life would be a traumatic experience for everyone else as well, including your child. Suffering from a loss of a loved one can be difficult, but keep in mind that your grandmother and your child think very highly of you. They love you unconditionally, and you need to be strong. Find a safe outlet – like writing – to express that pain and pent up frustration. We love you. Stay strong.

  20. Robert Gomez says:

    Your story is shocking. I think very few know about your inner struggles. I have always admired your beauty and your work. Now I also admire the strength of your spirit (if there is such a thing as that). If I knew that my words are helpful, I would fill a hundred pages. I wish you the best. Stay strong, stay good. Keep shining. You deserve the best. Thank you.

  21. Lil Bruno says:

    Hi, Remy.
    I hope this comment finds you well.
    Be strong. There’s so much to live for, and there’s so much to see… Don’t give up now… If you give up, they’ll win.

    Only you know what you are dealing with now, but it’ll pass. You already took the first step (find help). Now, it’s one day at a time.

    I’m going to compose a song for your hard times, and I’ll share it here as soon as it’s finished.
    Love from Brazil

  22. James says:

    Glad to hear your alive. Saw the hula hoop video on YouTube in the nice house. Learned a little about your bio after seeing your name. Checked IMDB and saw 2017 end of activity. Wondered about your alive or deadness, but here you are, having a tough time. Sorry to hear that. Don’t go through it alone. Find a professional. Find a social support network if you can. You say you are in recovery, so perhaps you are on top of it and a note like this is unnecessary. Take it as a little support from out of the wide world of the internet. This is my sideline cheer for you. You can do it. Be a mother. Love all kids and be there for yours. You had an outstanding smile in video I watched. Find out what makes you smile in 2022 and keep searching if you have not yet found it. You can!

  23. Nico says:

    Well, im so glad to hear you felling better. I feel in that situation, and let me say, that feelings it’s like a shit, a real pain in the ass; you don’t know where it’s coming, or you don’t know how to face it. I really hope yow have someone to hear you; because…, If it’s something that you must resolve with yourself, i learned that you need someone to hear you. Sorry that bad english. Best wishes. Nicolas.

  24. DLollar says:

    Getting help is always a good thing. What really helped me were plant medicines, meditation, and gratitude. Ayahuasca and Mushrooms opened my mind up to dealing with the trauma that had caused my toxic behavior. Been there. Good luck.

  25. Drew says:

    So happy that you are alive and well! Recovery is hard….. and it is as individual as a fingerprint while also being more universal than we realize until we get sober. But it’s also such a gift, and I give you so much credit for being so honest about your journey. Thank you for being so vulnerable and strong! I’m so happy you’re still here. One day at a time.


  26. Mark says:

    I lost my granmother one month ago too. Please do not let depression overcome you. FIGHT. Our nans would expected no less from us. My best wishes to you and your family, Remy.

  27. crownvie says:

    I hope you are doing well dear. I was a huge fan of yours when you were performing, but I am glad you have moved on to better things. You will forever be the most beautiful lady around though!

  28. drunkpoet46 says:

    So happy that you’re ok and back! Many fond memories of seeing your sweet face in the many vids you made. In ancient times, you would have been hailed a goddess and shrines would have been erected (no pun intended) for you! And in all the chaos and madness we are all living through right now, the phrase from the hippy days still rings true: make love, not war! Love to you, Dan

  29. Nate says:

    Wow! I found this blog after doing some searching to see what you were up to and I’m so glad you are still around. I can’t imagine what you have been going through, but I hope you have a supportive family. For what it’s worth, I’m sure you have many followers that just want to make sure you are taking care of yourself more than anything else, I know that’s what I want. It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes.

  30. remyfan says:

    stay strong girl!

  31. Grants says:

    I hope you’re doing okay. Please don’t give up! Please continue with updates maybe?

  32. Bob says:

    Good luck Ms. LaCroix. I suffered from anxiety and depression and am now in my 60s recovered and do peer counselling. You will know things are getting better when one day you will feel a moment of sadness and realize that it is different from depression. Not sure you can find this book but I gave it to a psychiatrist colleague of mine who was depressed and had no insight into his own depression. The book is by William Styron – author of Sophie’s Choice. The title of the book is “Darkness Visible: a memoir of madness”. He gets depression right. In the meantime exercise, listen to you therapist and be confident that this disease will one day be behind you.

  33. Vitor says:

    Hi Remy. I wish you to always be well. I’m from Brazil and I love you. You are so beautiful and talented, totally wonderful. You deserve all the best in the world.

  34. Krishna says:

    You’ll get through this Remy! You have a lot of smarts and character. Life is difficult but I know you are the correct path.

  35. Eric Gingrich says:

    I wish there were some magic words i could say that would make it easy for you , but there arent . Hang in there life is a pretty amazing thing.

  36. Craig says:

    Still very pretty.Glad to hear you are doing better.Hope it continues for you.

  37. Arthur Alberto Serralheiro says:

    Please Honey, take care to Yourself, Life is Beautiful, you have a lot estou enjoy from her! You are one of must Sweetest Person I Knew in my life! I swear that somentimes I watch You not with sexual intencions, but just to see your way to smile, walk, talk and be! You are a wonderful Woman with a Heart of a Little Girl! Don’t let any Shadow to get in your soul! The World needs people like You! Big Kiss in your heart, be Safe and Healthy!( Forget my Poor English)

  38. Stan says:

    Glad to hear you are recovering ❤️‍🩹 we love you no one can do the hula hoop like you do.

  39. JC says:

    Hello Remy,

    I have been a recovered alcohol and pain killer addict for the last 10 years. When I was addicted it was a painful time and it forced me to go back to a the memories of a dysfunctional childhood. I could write all day about this. I just wanted to say I hope that you are doing well and that no matter what keep moving forward. Blessing to you.


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